Like most girls my age, I have had quite a few failed relationships. Since I have somehow survived breakups that I thought were devastating, I decided to sit back and look at my dating habits, as well as my personal habits. What is the one thing I noticed? In most cases, I was giving myself FULLY to the relationship, and it was not always reciprocated, at least that is how some of them appeared. What is one thing that I did not notice? How little I was paying attention to myself and my needs. So, upon multiple hours of thought processing, and a little bit of self-evaluation, this is why being single may be your best bet.
1. How many times have you said, “I felt like the relationship was one sided”? That is most likely because it totally was, but love/feelings/whatever can sometimes be blinding. I wish I was able to estimate how many times I have cried over relationships just to inform you about how many times I have been “that girl”. I consider myself to be a pretty independent woman, but there have been times I get so caught up in the fantasy of love that I ignore my intuition, which has never served me well.
2. We quit spending time with ourselves, and that never ends up working out for anyone. As much as I love to go out with my friends, or have people over to watch television shows, I NEED my alone time! As you may know, I am a skincare fanatic, and my whole routine takes a good amount of time. Plus, I don’t like to be rushed! After a recent break up, I looked at myself in the mirror, and I noticed how my skin looked. I noticed my hair was not as bouncy as it was once. I caught myself tripping over some junk I left in my living room floor, and almost broke my arm trying to take all of the trash out. What I am saying is, I let myself go….after I swore I never would.
3. As my grandmother always said, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I definitely had a goal to be married, with children, and living a great life once I hit twenty-seven, but guess what…the only thing I have is a single bedroom apartment, and an amazing dog. Which I am totally cool with. Since I am from the South, I have witnessed the pressure to begin my married life very early since I can remember. My family is pretty lenient on things of that manner, so luckily, I was not a victim of it, merely a bystander.
4. I am all about a strong and independent woman, so why do you need someone to be “your other half”? As Ru Paul says, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”, and that is something people forget about. I have met a ton of guys and girls who think they are incomplete until they find someone else to “share” their life with. The act of not having to care for anyone but yourself is a true gift that people take for granted. It is kinda the best feeling you can have.
5. Lastly, and probably the most important, this is a time to find yourself! It is the time for you to experience life, and see what you love. Go live in that country for a year, date that girl/guy, move to a new city, or just cut your hair short. Whatever makes you feel great. Some of the best realizations I have had have been when I am alone, or just doing something I love.
As I write this, I am doing something I love. I am currently on a twenty-three hour plan ride to Tokyo. Fresh out of a relationship, and actually trying to not only get over the past, but to change the future as a result. Hopefully this was some sort of encouragement for you in whatever you may be going through.