Hello friends, happy friday! Since I have been on this positivity/happiness/improving-your-life kick lately, I decided to talk about something that we all struggle with. Toxic relationships are something that we have to deal with, and will continue to deal with for our entire lives. I want to have a chit chat about why we need to evaluate our relationships, and some tips to help you along the way.
What is a toxic relationship?
In my opinion, I think a toxic relationship is one that drains you. Think of a dementor from good ole’ HP. They suck the joy out of their victim, and leave them feeling hopeless and miserable. Although no one is literally sucking the life out of you, it can absolutely feel that way. I am not specifically talking about a significant other right now, this could be any person in your life. I do not mean that you should always be benefiting from a relationship, because guess what…things are hard, and fighting those difficult times is what makes you stronger.
How I identified my toxic relationships
This is pretty obvious, I think. I found myself crying every night, or I found myself second guessing everything I knew to be true. I could feel so positive about where my life was, or what I was doing, but that could be changed within moments. Granted, most of this was from a romantic relationship. There have been other relationships with friends and family which have also been very toxic, and leaving me feeling like I could not properly do anything, and would blow up my feelings of failure. I should have never felt physically exhausted from hanging out with someone, or feel extreme anger towards people. I think the most important thing to be able to identify is your happiness, and your mental state.
5 steps to end a toxic relationship
- Identification: You have to be able to see people and relationships for who and what they are. Sometimes we are blinded by love (been there girl), and we focus on the few good points of someone. It is not how you feel with them. It is how you feel when you leave this person and are alone. That’s when your thoughts are going to come around.
- Discussion: So, say you do not want this person out of your life. You need to talk to them. You need to let them know what they are doing to you, and make sure they are aware. Some people are just aggressive people, and that may be their personality. I think communication can heal a lot of different problems, and I think it is a great form of therapy, especially in this situation of your life.
- Distance: I actually do mean distance from this person. Especially if this has been a romantic relationship, sometimes the best thing to do is just to literally stay away from that person. Yes, it may seem petty, but it is something that I swear by; especially in break ups. When someone is constantly bringing you down, you need time to heal and to get back to where you were before. I personally always need my alone time, if I am happy or sad, it is something that is vital to me.
- Growth: Do something that you love doing, or try something new. I know that when someone says I am not good enough, I got WAYYYY OUT OF MY WAY to prove them wrong. I enjoy focusing on myself when I am feeling down. Pampering, improving a skill, or just catching up with your supporters. I also like to have a bit of a spiritual break. I do not mean like a religious sort of spiritual time, but more of a time where I am looking inside of myself, learning about my wants/needs, focusing on energy and trying to get my mind in a really healthy and positive place.
- Forgiveness: I know this is hard. Probably the worst step, but….if you have been able to complete the other steps, then you should be ready to go. One thing I CANNOT STAND is holding a grudge (who the heck has time for that?!), and it would be very easy to hold a grudge with someone who treated you like crap. If you have went through all of the work to improve yourself, then you definitely do not want to be carrying that ish with you into the future. Crabiness never looks good on anyone.
Well, I think I have preached enough for today. I hope this helps someone. I am always an advocate on only keeping people in your life who are deserving. Life is short, do not waste it on people do are not deserving. What are your tips for releasing toxic people? Let me know down below, and as always, thank you so much for reading.